what 3-year-old C said to me today

This morning after my husband left to take First Girl and Second Girl to school, I closed the door, turned to Third Girl, and said like I do nearly every week day, "It's [C] and Mommy time!"

C said, "Yayyyyy!"

me: Do you love C and Mommy time?

C (smiling): Yes! You're so adorable. I just want to eat you.

Yep, we are so happy when we're together. I was away in another room to make this blog post, but actually played a video from facebook first, and then I could hear her crying. She wanted me to sit and watch Signing Time with her. I did, arms around her the whole time. It felt so good.

kid sweetness

My heart is full from so much kid sweetness today. (And this week, I babysat our neighbor's 2-year-old and 5-month-old one day, and I took care of our newborn nephew overnight last night because his mommy was in the hospital with retained placenta and his daddy works graveyard shifts. I've also had fun for the last few weeks, with my Wednesday and Friday job: watching my friend's girls who are 7 and 2).

So, this morning when it was just the two of us, Third Girl wanted to cuddle (which involved me pretending to sleep, and her laughing, and both of us laughing) on our bed. In the late afternoon, she helped me cook. I'm pretty sure I forgot to write down something adorable that Third Girl said, but the main thing I wanted to write down was this:

Second Girl was going to serve herself more dinner, but First Girl acted sad because she had wanted to do it for her.

Second Girl: "Okay. I just want my sister to be happy."

Me: "Why are you guys so sweet?"

Second Girl: "Because we're your daughters."

First Girl: "And you're the best mom."

C's fifth month

During C's fifth month of life:

• Her cousin -- her Aunt Angie's son -- was born.
• C came with us to her daddy's graduation from the university! (She was born before his last semester there, and our oldest was born near the end of his first semester there.)
• We decided to stay in our apartment until we are really ready to move to a bigger place. We had been planning on moving out, to have more space, at the end of May.
• She went on her first road trip. I'll share more about some of these things later.
• She started sucking her thumb; my husband bought pacifiers May 7th. We didn't want it to be a habit like it still is for our almost-three-year-old, but we also didn't want to offer a pacifier too soon. When she was hospitalized at 7 weeks old she didn't really care for the Soothie a nurse gave her. I was surprised that C started this because our oldest never sucked her thumb (she liked Soothie pacifiers from day one until she wanted to be done with it at five months old), and Second Girl had started at a younger age, before two months. We sometimes put mittens or socks on C's hands to discourage her from sucking her thumb. She does kinda like the pacifiers (prefers the Nuk kind) but seems to like her thumb even better.
• The first time I witnessed her blowing a raspberry was on May 8th. It's so cute.
• She got stronger during tummy time and lifted her upper body higher.
• She had some good sitting practice on the floor and sometimes sat for a few seconds before tipping. She'd usually be more leaning forward instead of sitting straight.
• Oh, she also rolled over, from tummy to back, for the first time! I saw her do it on Mother's Day (May 13th), which was neat. She also did it once a couple of days earlier, but nobody watched it happen.

19 weeks:

20 weeks:

5 months:

all three girls:

Mother's Day 2012

I'm going to get a little personal here. I love being a mother to my kids, but I don't necessarily like the way I feel on Mother's Day. It hasn't felt like my day. That sounds selfish. I ought to think more about what Heavenly Father has given me, all that my mom has done for me, and how I can be a better daughter to her, but I'm writing about what my feelings were. This year I had to do things for the kids from the moment I woke up until maybe an hour later. (I realize that I didn't ask my husband for help, and I don't always let him know what I want). I don't need it to be a whole day off from mothering, but on Mother's Day I wanted to feel a little more honored by my own family. I wanted to receive a letter of appreciation or something. Two of my friends sent me text messages wishing me a happy Mother's Day; thank you! My 5-year-old drew a picture for me . . . because her teacher at church had the kids draw for their moms. I hinted once about a gift, but my husband is not working full-time yet. It's okay. We had spent money on just me already this year. He has a lot on his mind, and I also know now that he was in the middle of a few emotionally hard days. 

What really matters is that I got to spend time with my little family, my mom and my mother-in-law. There were plenty of good things about this Mother's Day. I felt guilty that I wasn't in a more cheerful mood. I was sad because not only was I not receiving the acknowledgement I wanted, I wasn't giving it. The day seemed to sneak up on me. I would have been happier if I had actually done the project I'd thought about -- a craft with our older girls, which we did make and give to their Nana after Mother's Day. Although I'm still figuring out how to balance life with three kids, I/we should have prepared something, at least a card, to give our moms that weekend. I felt guilty when my dad and step-mom brought flowers to me the day before Mother's Day (and WHY can't I keep any plant alive, ever??). 

On Mother's Day I did have some time to myself. Around 10 a.m., while C napped, it was nice to be able to sit down with my scriptures and some herbal tea. I hadn't drunk herbal tea in a long time, and had even forgotten we had some.

For part of our lunch, I steamed carrots. I let the baby watch me chop them. I'm sharing the photo even though my experiment with putting coconut oil on my hair was embarrassing (it took a few days for my hair to not look greasy anymore).

D's mom came to church (1-4 p.m.) with us, but we didn't get a picture of her. She, Shboogoo and I almost missed the Primary kids' songs about mothers, because Shboogoo had left to use the potty. They had started singing the first song, and we had her quickly go up to join them. It's fun having my daughter up there, smiling down at me every few seconds.

My mother-in-law gave me a really sweet card that means much more to me than the restaurant gift card she put inside it. She went to beauty school when she was about 18 years old, so I asked her about the coconut oil problem. She is definitely a people person. She is really good at listening, saying things in a nice way, and making people feel good about themselves. Both of our moms are excellent moms.

We went to my mom's house soon after church to eat dinner with her. On the way (my husband usually drives, which I like), I read a post that was written May 7th. It is not specifically about Mother's Day, but this part of it made me cry:

I feel a little weird about birthdays… I mean, mine, in particular. Not yours, go party it up, my friend. To me, this day feels like it ought to be more of a celebration of my own rockstar mother who, you know, grew me in her womb, and puked every morning, and put up with my insane labor and refusal to be born. I mean if it weren’t for her, I wouldn’t be here, but more than that, she kept me alive during the early years, when I couldn’t feed myself or wipe my own bum. And taught me how to be a nice person, and wrote “you are wonderful” sticky notes and left them in my room and in my lunches while I suffered through elementary school, and waited up for me in her silky nightgown so I could tell her about my dates all through high school, and cried at my wedding, and held all my own new babies, and taught me how to breastfeed and how it was okay to occasionally shut one’s self inside the bathroom to sit on the potty and cry. 

And here we are throwing presents and balloons in my direction like, “Congratulations! You stayed alive for another year!” When everything I know that is good and true and solid and real is all because I had an incredible mother… and father… he did play a small part in everything. Ha ha, a huge part, really. I’m just so thankful for them both. Love you mom, dad. Thanks for having me.

So, we had dinner together. My sister had made our main dish: cheesy broccoli chicken casserole. I brought a salad and banana-oat bars (recipe in The Eat Right America Nutritarian Handbook). My mom made a yummy carrot cake. It was a nice evening. I love these people so much!

I have learned things from each of our children's grandmas. I'm glad my dad had the idea for this photo (taken in early May; left to right is my step-mom, mother-in-law, mom ("Nana"), and step-mom-in-law).

I think it was a day or so after Mother's Day that I read and loved this post on Mama Birth, titled "I Want Something on Mothers Day." (I'm sure there are other great ones in my Reader that I haven't had time for yet.) Go read the whole thing, but here's part of it. Do you agree with her?

Sometimes my children can and should care about me and think about me and spoil me. 

This isn't even really about stuff though- I think we all know that.  It is about the kind of people I want my children to BE. 

A good mother devotes years of her life to her children.  She may have other interests, hobbies, work, and time commitments.  But for almost 20 years, much of that revolves around her children and their needs.  Why does she do it?  For a bracelet once a year? 

No.  She does it because she wants to raise good people.  Good people who think of others first sometimes.  Good people who are grateful for the things other people do for them.  Good people who are thoughtful and kind and loving.  Good people who recognize that sometimes duty to those around us and those we love can make the world a better place.  I try to do all the things FOR my children that I someday want to see them do for OTHERS. 

This motherhood thing isn't just for kicks or fun or entertainment or even online feelings of superiority- there is an end goal.  That end goal is a deeply good person.  A human being who brings love and joy and honor to the world. 

C's fourth month

Third Girl turned four months old in April. Some of the simplest repetitive things we do make her laugh. One of her favorite activities is when make her hands clap as I recite Pat-a-Cake (no, she does not uncurl her fingers). She loves it when someone holds her, looks at her, and has a conversation with her. She makes the sweetest little "uh" sound. She looks like she's really concentrating on me whenever I slowly ask, "Can you say Mama?" She doesn't do an m, but she can say words like nn-guh and thih. 

I have nursed my babies on demand and after the first month or so I don't write down the start times. I don't really have them on a schedule. We've been really blessed that they've each slept about 7+ hours every night by the time they are two months old. As a four-month-old she typically sleeps more than 10 hours at night. She wakes up for the day after 8 a.m. Her first nap starts between about 10:00 a.m. and noon and it often lasts for at least two hours. She has probably a couple more naps, likes to cluster nurse (have a few feedings closer together) after 6 p.m., and is asleep for the night as early as 8:30 p.m. but usually after 9:30. Sometimes I put her to bed and she wakes up after 10 p.m. just to eat and be changed. I read the information our pediatrician gave me at the four month check-up, and C's temperament is definitely not Slow-to-warm-up or Difficult. It's Easy: "positive, happy, regular patterns to eating and sleeping." She's a little anxious around strangers now (she cried when she saw the pediatrician), but calms down quickly.

At this age she reaches out and grabs items, like the linkables or necklace that someone is wearing, without a person putting it in her hand. My favorite thing is that while she nurses she holds my hand or the top of my shirt. Also, she now brings the linkables and other things to her mouth. She sucks on her fingers or hand -- probably mainly when she is hungry.

I know her eyesight is more developed because she looks way up at light fixtures in our chapel. She's great at following at object with her eyes.

Over a month ago I started bathing her in the regular tub instead of the sink. She likes lying on her back in the shallow water with a washcloth over her torso to keep her warm. She also likes to have her diaper changed promptly; when she's fussy I check the diaper first.

Easter and her blessing (more on that later) took place during her fourth month. Here are the photos I took of her with her pink teddy bear:

14 weeks

15 weeks

16 weeks (I put a sponge curler in her wet hair before taking this picture. My dad bought the dress in Costa Rica, for Second Girl)

17 weeks

4 months!

Her four month stats: 13 pounds 2 ounces (more than double her birth weight, and 38th percentile), height 44th percentile, head 89th percentile. I love the collage below. I adjusted the photos to make the teddy bear the same size; does that mean she's really this much bigger? The head growth amazes me. She's been able to hold her head steady for a few weeks -- she probably could do it by age 3 months.

I was sad when she outgrew her newborn cloth diapers, which I'm guessing was after she turned two months. She wears the size small Very Baby diapers now, and prefolds and covers. We used a few disposable diapers because some were given to us; I think size two would fit her better than size one now. Most 0-3 month clothing still fits her, as well as the Carters 3 month size. Some outfits I remember our older daughter(s) wearing are missing and I want them! But I got out the 3-6 and 6-9 month clothing and there's a cute 6-9 size skirt she's already worn. The outfit shown below, worn by our younger girls, is size 0-3.

I'm glad C's daddy gets to experience her at this age, since he missed all but two and a half weeks of Second Girl's first ten months due to being deployed. It's also really fun to see how helpful and playful five-year-old First Girl is with her baby sister, and how Second Girl softly touches her. We love our chubby little girl so much. 

my third birth story

When does this story begin? The way a birthing time begins and the point at which a woman says, "that's when it started" seems to vary. With our third baby my birthing time felt both longer and shorter than the approximately thirty hours I experienced with each of our other children before their Cesarean births. This time it was longer because of prodromal labor. One evening I felt mildly uncomfortable pressure waves (contractions) that required my attention, instead of Braxton Hicks. They started ten days before Third Girl was born and seemed to be more noticeable each day from about 5 PM on. Sometimes they were ten minutes apart or closer; then they would space out in the morning. There was no reason to tell anyone that anything was happening, because it was not consistent, I have a history of slow dilation, and we planned to not go to the hospital until pressure waves were three minutes apart. After a couple of days my husband or I did tell a few people that I was having a lot more contractions, but we also told them not to get excited yet. We had plans for the Christmas weekend. As it got closer I hoped I would not still be pregnant then, partly because my sleep was getting interrupted so much.

My mom came to take care of our older girls while we went to our last Hypnobabies class. This was nine days after the pressure waves had become more serious and at least five days after I felt that the baby had dropped lower into my pelvis. I didn't lose my mucus plug or anything, but I was pretty sure that she would be born before the due date. We spent class time pretending that each wife was having pressure waves and she and her husband practiced various techniques and positions to help her through them. The difference was that I really was having pressure waves.

The next morning I took a long shower before the kids woke up, and our four-person family went to my scheduled midwife appointment at 11:20. I hadn't met this midwife before. She was really good. I told her I thought I was in labor because the contractions forced me to stop was I was doing, and for almost the last hour they had been coming every eight minutes. I was able to relax well as she gently checked my cervix. She asked me to guess how far dilated I was, and I said, "Oh, two?" She said, "You're at five, no, I'll say six centimeters." I said, almost crying, "That makes me really happy."

I was also fully effaced and the baby was at a 0 or +1 station! I felt even more confident about having a vaginal birth. We were definitely surprised to hear her say six cm, since I had never been dilated that far before. (With our other two babies I was at two or three cm when we arrived at the hospital, and eventually progressed to four or five. This time, we don't know how long my body took to get six cm dilated, because I chose not to have my cervix checked at previous appointments. That's why this birthing time felt shorter; I didn't have anybody checking on my progress during the first part of it.)

We got ready to leave the clinic and the midwife congratulated me. "I think you're going to have your VBAC. You're going to have your baby today!" She said it was up to us whether to go right to the hospital or to go home first. She thought things could happen fast and recommended that if we go home to get our bags we shouldn't "dilly dally." She called the hospital to tell them we would be coming.

We headed for home since we knew it would be more peaceful and pleasant there. (Plus it takes less than half an hour to drive from our home to the hospital.) In the car I called our doula -- the same one who helped us with our first baby's birth. She was excited to hear the news, and she agreed that we should go home.

My mother-in-law came and got our other children. Without them at home my husband and I felt like we were on a date, even though we weren't always together. At first I didn't need him during pressure waves. He spent a lot of the day watching the news and using his computer. I ate whatever I wanted and made sure to drink a lot of water as well as some Powerade. Throughout the day I listened to several Hypnobabies tracks on my iPod. I put more things in our suitcase to take to the hospital, did some housework, and walked on the treadmill for half an hour. I also took a nap. It was so nice and quiet.

I timed most of the pressure waves, using an app on my husband's phone. They weren't real close together -- usually six to eight minutes apart, I think. During pressure waves I used deep relaxation and other Hypnobabies tools I had practiced each day for five weeks. I'm really glad we took the course because it made a difference. I felt best being vertical and leaning forward. (Lying down was more painful.) Depending on where I was I either straddled the birth ball and rested my arms and head on a stack of pillows on top of our bed, or leaned on a piece of furniture or a wall.

As the pressure waves started to get harder for me I liked to have my husband come over so I could put my arms around his neck and feel his arms around me. We had decided ahead of time that I would just say "wave" to let him know when one was starting. My exhalations turned into louder "ohhh" sounds during the peaks of the pressure waves. At 7:55 PM I told him I felt like we should go to the hospital, and he called our doula to have her meet us there. I just felt a little different, with more pressure (sometimes pain) by my tailbone and a little nausea. Even though the pressure waves weren't really consistent or closer together, they were lasting for a minute or longer.

We arrived at the hospital about 9 PM. I had to have a nurse assess me before admitting me. She told me to put the gown on but I said I would rather wear my own clothes, and she was okay with that. She put a fetal monitor on my belly. It immediately showed decelerations in the baby's heart rate (the same thing happened to our other daughters). At 9:15 the nurse checked me and found that I was dilated six to seven cm.

We went up to a labor and delivery room. We had requested the room with the best tub, but the staff suggested that we be in the room closest to the operating suites. I changed into just a shift (like a full-length slip) with a short-sleeved maternity shirt over it. The nurse put in an IV. There was talk of releasing the bag of waters to help things along. It could let the baby's head move further down the birth canal and also we would be able to place an internal monitor on her head to better track her heart rate, which the staff was pretty nervous about. The attending physician came in and met us at 9:40 and talked with us. This was probably when he said he thought the baby wouldn't be able to handle the labor, which would likely take at least four more hours to dilate fully, and the pushing that would take maybe two hours or more (since I have never pushed a baby out).

There are a lot of details that I don't remember but our doula had written them down. Labs were drawn on me at 9:50 and I felt shaky. My husband and I wanted to wait for the midwife (another one I had never met) to come, but after talking with our doula we decided to release the bag of waters to help the baby move down and encourage dilation.

At 9:55 the doctor released the bag of waters. I do remember that, because it seemed like he was in there for a long time, and it hurt! There was meconium and some light bleeding. Someone had me lie on my right side to try to relieve pressure that might have been on the umbilical cord. I had ear buds in with a relaxation script playing, and our doula provided comfort with massage.

Our midwife arrived at 10:10. Now when the baby's heart rate decelerated it sometimes got as low as the 50s before coming back up to normal. With my doula's help I moved to hands and knees position, again to avoid pressure on the cord. At 10:20 my husband discussed my preferences with our midwife and asked for me to be given every possibility to give birth vaginally, because it seemed that from the moment the doctor arrived he was preparing for a Cesarean birth.

At 10:35 I stood by the bed; I didn't always know how I wanted to be, but I did not want to be on the bed anymore. Now some of the decelerations were happening even when there wasn't a pressure wave, and some dropped into the 40s. My husband offered me sips of water, and I put my arms around his neck during pressure waves, which were coming anywhere from three to thirteen minutes apart. I felt really hot, so my doula and midwife helped me get my shirt over the I.V. cords so I could take it off and wear the shift only. I also put my hair in a ponytail and they turned a fan on.

I sat on the birth ball for a little while. My midwife was in the room when the doctor returned at 11:00 and said he felt "absolutely obligated to do a Cesarean." My husband continued talking with the midwife until 11:20. He also talked things over with our doula and requested time alone with her and me. We agreed that we had done everything we could and the baby needed to be born by C-section. When the midwife had checked my cervix for the last time she had said that the dilation was the same and now the baby was transverse. My sweet husband gave me a wonderful Priesthood blessing. Then the anesthesiologist and other women came into the room to prepare me for the surgery.

At 11:55 they had me sit in a wheelchair to go to the operating room. The midwife came, too. The anesthesiologist was very kind as she gave me the spinal epidural, and I enjoyed the numbness that made it feel comfortable to lie on my back. I think my arms were still shaking, as they did during the other Cesareans, but they were in a more comfortable place. I remember warm blankets over my arms, and I remember feeling more calm and happy compared to the disappointment of my first "failed" VBAC. My husband called my mom to tell her that we would have our baby soon. He put on scrubs and a mask and joined me at 12:05 AM.

Our daughter was born at 12:06 AM, only 11 minutes after I entered the operating room, so he got there just in time! She weighed 5 pounds 13 ounces (1 ounce less than Second Girl) and was 18.5 inches long (1.5 inches shorter than both First Girl and Second Girl) with a 35 cm head circumference. She looked like her sisters did as newborns, except she had a lot of dark hair.

Her Apgar scores were 9 and 9. As I found out later, the cord had been tightly around her neck, twice. Also, she pooped in three diapers within ten minutes. Before I could hold her for the first time, she had to have some help in the nursery for about two hours. She had swallowed meconium and she was retracting as she was breathing. My husband went with her and took some pictures and videos, and he came back to room 8 at 12:48, just before I did. Our doula stayed with me while he returned to be with our cute baby in the nursery.

I would have preferred not to have surgery, to be able to feel our baby come out, to be one of the first to hold her. But, knowing that we were doing what our little girl needed, I actually smiled during the operation. I was grateful for the way everyone treated me before, during, and after the birth. They knew what my preferences were and they were patient and respectful. I had no pitocin, and no drugs until the spinal.

The doctor came in later and kindly explained that he thought the need for a Cesarean may be related to the shape of the inside of my pelvis. We don't know about the shape because we have not had x-rays done, but we do know that our little babies are not "too big" to fit through my pelvis. He said he had put stitches, not staples, in my incision so that we could leave the hospital early to spend Christmas morning at home with all our kids.

At 1:30 my husband called my mom again to tell her about her granddaughter. Soon after that, our baby was able to join us, now that she was breathing much better. She learned how to breastfeed pretty quickly and she has been perfectly healthy. We LOVE having this girl in our family!

 

(two different cameras)

 

This was so sweet . . . pure adoration.

"BIG sister" shirts