a little on faith, dreams, lists, and being musical

This is what I posted in a facebook group and it's how I have been feeling the last few days.

This is an exciting time to be on the earth. I definitely believe that "the future is as bright as [my] faith."

I believe we are in the last days, with both righteousness and wickedness increasing. There are things that frustrate me, and my husband and I each have our own ups and downs, but I have a lot of hope ("hope through the atonement of Christ"), and know that "if ye are prepared ye shall not fear." I want to help people, most of all my husband who is going through hard stuff, and our children, whom I love so much. I have big dreams for us. I want to do a lot and learn a lot. I want to be who my patriarchal blessing says I can be. I want to shine!

I was glad that my husband was with us for this April General Conference, not working that Saturday or Sunday. Another way I have been blessed with more closeness to the Spirit is through my #‎360byudevotionalsin2015‬ project I began on January 5th. It's really easy to find BYU devotionals from BYUSpeeches on YouTube. I listen to about one per day and I'm keeping a list of them.

Another list I updated today was my list of books I have read this year. I'm re-reading the manual from my CAPPA postpartum doula training, but since I didn't read every word when I got it, it's not on my list yet. I have about three other nonfiction books I am working on also, but mostly one called Fasting -- and Eating -- for Health.

Just yesterday I finished A Natural Woman: A Memoir, which singer-songwriter Carole King wrote. I didn't know much about Carole King before this, and now I want to become familiar with more of her music. It was an impulse library check-out as I walked past books on CD -- and it turned out that I was checking it out two days before her birthday! I listened as I cleaned the kitchen, and I think it took a few weeks, but I went through the last few discs, of twelve, pretty quickly. I'm impressed by a lot of the things she has done, including homeschooling, "encourag[ing] the best in people," caring about the Earth, and writing music while she had kids. I composed three piano solos, but all between the ages of 14 and 18, and none since then except for little songs with my kids, and I have not written those down. I thought about doing so the other day, but then forgot, so it's gone from my mind.

Here's a little of what I wrote down from Carole's memoir. In probably the first chapter she said, "the first piece of furniture in my parents' home was a piano." I really liked the last part of the final chapter. She was talking about her mind jumping from one thought to the next as she was performing for an audience. She realized that she had thought music was keeping her from having a normal life, but then while performing understood that "for me, music is normal life."

I'm very confident with music, sightreading, and performing. I was able to be in our ward's talent show last month, and today I will play piano for a few ladies who will sing in sacrament meeting. The song is Oh, How Lovely Was The morning -- a new (2005) tune to the LDS hymn Joseph Smith's First Prayer. Some of those big dreams I have for my life are related to music. It's part of normal life for me as well.

how I started 2015

It's past my bedtime, on the first day of the year. I am frustrated that I was trying to cut or undo something and the whole draft I'd written a few hours ago disappeared! Well, I'll start over. :0)

My friend Shelly, whose kids I babysit twice a week, had a fun New Year's Eve party with healthy food. The five of us went, so my husband was able to meet the others that I had met at a potluck back in August (he worked that Saturday). I didn't already know Amy and Nate, though. All five families including us brought our kids, who played on scooters and decorated hats while most of the adults played Five Crowns.

What I really want to write about was the great things about this January 1st. Right at midnight we were home in bed and had a quick kiss, then for fifteen minutes we continued what we were each doing. He watched videos on the iPad, and I finished reading my book: Christmas Jars by Jason F. Wright.

Soon after I woke up I was kind of depressed for a minute about the way I feel in the morning and all the time. Chronic pain. I didn't cry and snowball it like I did yesterday, though. It's so good that D and I have each other. We've talked about what we want to do this year and it will be good. For example, we are determined to pay off our debt. Anyway, knowing it's now 2015, I remembered that I had thought that in 2014 I would get rid of my constant headache. I did try more than a few different tests and treatments and stuff throughout the year but I need to be patient with what I'm currently doing (my doctor prescribed myofasical release, the medication gabapentin, and flonase (I don't think the last two are doing anything for me, at least not yet)). And I am going to keep searching, too. Neil Nathan, M.D.'s book Healing Is Possible: New Hope for Chronic Fatigue, Fibromyalgia, Persistent Pain, and Other Chronic Illnesses is giving me some things to think about.

A little bit after that, I played my piano for the first time this year. I chose Worthy Is The Lamb That Was Slain / Amen from Handel's Messiah. I bought my copy of the book while in college, for a performance with hundreds of other people; I will never forget that experience!

A few days ago was also really nice, when I played the piano to wake up our kids. That day it was the suite from Forrest Gump. Many years ago I had to tape the spine of this sheet music to hold it together. I played it in a talent show when I was in junior high.

Let's see . . . also, I let the girls watch Netflix a lot today while D was working. I watched some of my own as I cleaned the kitchen and stuff (using the iPad while they had the TV on). The show I'm binge watching is Gilmore Girls. I never saw any of it until the middle of December. 

In the morning I pondered and wrote down some things I need to do (some of them are resolutions) and had some good gospel study time. I worked out, took a long shower, and eventually we accomplished our chore checklist.

Oh! Third Girl made me laugh harder than I had in a long time. She can be pretty funny, but doesn't do this kind of thing as much when she's away from home. You won't fully appreciate it because you can't hear her tone, and I don't remember it all, but that's okay. I was with her as she sat on the potty. It was bedtime, when we always make her go, and I said that I wanted to hear her pee. Then we talked about something else, or I kissed her knees. Then suddenly she said in her voice that's higher than her normal voice, "You hear someping?" And I thought she meant her peeing, but she quickly says, "Butterflies?" As if they even make a sound! Oh, man, it was hilarious.

a Throwback Thursday collage

I have been doing some pondering today, and I have felt joy. I have been thinking about new friendships, friendship in general, and ways to serve. Those thoughts and those things make me happy. I overheard two smiling mothers as they passed each other outside of First Girl's school: "How are you?" "I don't even know." "Yeah, seriously." For some reason hearing that made me happy, too. I ate garlicky brussels sprouts before eating the rest of my breakfast. I did some laundry (the kitchen still needs some work). I ran two miles in twenty one minutes while our younger daughters played near me in the fitness center. I've been praying more lately and feeling more hope. And the book I'm reading, The Gift of Giving Life, has given me a better "big picture" perspective about life. When I was looking at twitter, where I don't have a photo across the top (I dislike their new look), I thought maybe I would make a collage for that. I love how it turned out but actually decided on something simpler for my twitter page. It was really fun to look at some of our older photos and to be grateful for those memories. So this is a #tbt -- Throwback Thursday. The sheet music in the background is for the song we danced to at our wedding reception in 2004, but I started to learn how to play the piano when I was seven. (I love Jerome Kern and the sweet lyrics, and loved having Roger play the piano!) I still treasure the feeling of being in the Los Angeles temple with my husband in 2006 when I was pregnant; that was a wonderful night. The top middle photo of the collage is from 2008 when I ran a 10k. The bottom left was taken in 2011, and the others are a little more recent. C is here twice simply because the newborn picture reminds me of when each of our children were newborns, and the beauty of each new life. I always wanted to be a mom. The collage represents some of me, my life, and what is special to me.

grateful thoughts

I knew this day was coming. My husband and I have now lived in this apartment longer than we've lived anywhere else together. (We didn't want to be here this long, but Heavenly Father has helped us change our attitudes.) I like figuring things out with dates. It's interesting how many times the same duration of time has been significant for us. Let me explain. As of yesterday we have lived here for two years and seven months. We had been married for two years and seven months when we became parents. We lived in that condo -- Shboogoo's first home -- for two years and seven months. She was two years and seven months old when Second Girl was born. My husband spent almost that long living on the opposite side of the world during his deployments, and there is almost that much space between Second Girl and Third Girl. They are just over two years and six months apart.

I feel grateful today:

For these memories, my husband, and our children. For the priesthood blessing he gave me last week when I had a very bad headache. For my Savior and His birth, death, and resurrection. For Christmas devotionals and songs that are about Him. That I can sing and play the piano and serve in that way. For ups along with the downs. For the lessons that I hope I have learned (and re-learn) while we've been here, and the qualities I hope I am developing. For friends. For the good that is online, including a blog post called Hope for Dark Times. For my first Time Out For Women, and my sister's friend who told us we could attend it for free because of their scholarship. 

my sister, Hilary Weeks, and me at Time Out For Women

I'm grateful for what I have. I don't have some other woman's nice shoes, ability to decorate her home and do her hair well, or strong flat belly -- but I have First Girl, Second Girl, and Third Girl (I think their real names when I think about this). I was not in a good mood this morning, and I'm still going through a hard time. But I am so glad that Heavenly Father is patient with me. I am grateful that I felt an abundance of the Holy Spirit during church, that I remembered personal spiritual blessings from the past, that I have a ward family, and that all of this strengthened me today. I love this verse from the Book of Mormon:

And I will also ease the burdens which are put upon your shoulders, that even you cannot feel them upon your backs, even while you are in bondage; and this will I do that ye may stand as witnesses for me hereafter, and that ye may know of a surety that I, the Lord God, do visit my people in their afflictions.

the two of us

Wow. It's the middle of September! I have never gone this long between posts, and I know my last two were short. Thanks for reading. Here is the first of some updates on our family.  



:: me ::

Mother's Day 2013

With two of my siblings on my mom's birthday -- I stole my friend's idea (she did it for her dad) by having people write my mom letters, and she said it was the best gift she has ever received. That makes me happy.

Hmm, what to say about myself. . . . I'm enjoying my life. The hours and the weeks go by pretty fast. Summer vacation was super fast but wonderful. I love being a stay-at-home mom and I am so grateful I get to spend a lot of time with these angels (we're working on them being angelic when we ask them to put their things away or do other things that they don't want to do). They make me smile and laugh often. I like that they have friends in the neighborhood that they play with often, too, and grandparents nearby to help us. I get a little bit of time to myself in the morning, at least enough to pray and read The Book of Mormon. I can also have alone time after the kids are in bed on most of the nights when my husband is working. It's nice that he's home by 9 or 10 p.m. usually. I like watching a show on Netflix with him, but I also like when we just talk.

Lately I have been exercising for 30-40 minutes some time before lunch, 4-6 days a week. It's usually closer to 6 days a week than 4, of running or HIIT cardio or both. In spite of that, I have a belly that sticks out. It's not my fault that I look pregnant, I guess -- it's because of my umbilical hernia and diastasis recti (separation of the abdominal muscles). I am definitely not pregnant. There's probably some fat there but I don't know how much because of whatever weird stuff is happening underneath. I can grab a little fat on my inner thighs, but there isn't any anywhere else. Well, I found a lot of diastasis recti information on youtube, including exercises to heal it, so I'm doing them as part of my strength training 3 days a week. I have "before" pictures but not enough has changed to take "after" pictures. I am trying to eat even more like the Eat to Live weight loss plan, which includes fewer grains/starches and processed foods and more vegetables (especially cruciferous ones). And I am trying to be patient with my body even though it's been a while since I gave birth. The other day I talked to my midwife, who referred me to a doctor that I will meet with this Friday to get more information about getting laparascopic surgery to make my belly flatter like it used to be.


:: him ::

June 2013

September 2013

My cute husband is still working hard at his three jobs. He did not get the railroad job he wanted, and we don't know why they didn't even interview him. But he did basically get an offer for something different, a position we had sort of given up on because it had been so long. It's still taking a while but it might happen: he might be a highway patrol trooper! Apparently they are always doing the hiring process, so he is on the list or his file is in the stack or whatever, and when they need him they will call. First he had an interview -- actually, I think it was two. Then we turned in his packet for the background check in November. Yep, ten months ago. In February they told us that a lot of people had applied, so we would have to wait a few extra weeks. Then they actually did the background check, and an employee met with him in our home. On May 23rd they talked about why he wants to be a trooper, and they gave him a piece of paper that is a conditional offer of employment. He took a polygraph test, psychological evaluation (both of those the hardest things he has ever done), and a physical all in the week before leaving with his unit for Annual Training. Another three months have passed. . . . He doesn't want to continue forever with what he's doing, and he has hard days (with his depression) every once in a while probably more often than I realize, but the Lord is blessing us. My husband is in very good shape physically because he really wants to get a certain score on his next Army PT test. He works out early before his full time job and told me he likes that he's "a runner," which he hasn't been in a few years. 

Side note: he and I have never lived together this long before. Between his deployments we had almost three years together. But now he has been back for three years and four months.


:: us ::

This summer he decided that we needed to get away to relax without the kids for more than just a couple of hours. I agreed. So we went on an approximately 26-hour date and had a really great time. It was Friday to Saturday August 9th-10th. {Third Girl survived that time without breastfeeding (I was fine too), and was happy to continue when she saw me again. My goal is two years.} Since some of our little family had been sick back in April when it was our anniversary, and D and I never did much to celebrate, this was like a 4-months-late anniversary vacation. I'm not sure if we will take the whole family on a trip any time soon, which is okay. It will just be that much more exciting and special when we finally do, right? Anyway, here are some of the pictures from our big date! It was so nice to be in the hot tub and pool at night. This was also his first time in a tram, he thinks, and his first time rock climbing, which surprised me. I love being married to him.

It was  cold and gorgeous.

My view as I walked out of the lodge to start my morning run.

I overcame my fear on the ropes course. I walked on most of the areas.

Although this doesn't show any of the bikers, it was neat being at one of the Tour of Utah venues! I want a bike. . . . Also, we might have felt the need to return to our kids sooner if it were not for the road being closed in the afternoon. :)

(My hair flips out if I don't straighten it. And he's even better-looking than he seems in some photos.)

He had the day off for Labor Day so he and I did some good work on our home, with the kids helping, too. We rotated our rug so the couch covers the stains. And we switched bedrooms with the kids (this took more than one day, and a lot of it was done by Saturday night). It's much better! We haven't taken pictures yet, but not all of the items, wall decorations, etc. are in place. We have the smaller bedroom but it's nice that it has a bigger closet, and the three girls have more room to play in their room now.

We are still in a 2-bedroom apartment, even though at first we thought we would only stay for a year or so. We just signed a new lease, our fourth one, because we're waiting to hear about which city he will be working in. Anyway, these changes are good. We like the layout of the furniture better now; changing bedrooms helped it feel kind of like a new place. One day soon after Labor Day he swept and straightened up the patio, I gave the toddler's seat (not quite a high chair) a bath and did three loads of laundry, etc. I still need to thoroughly clean the blinds. We got rid of junk including shirts I've had a long long time, and some toys and other kid things. I'm pretty sure that I have blogged before about the fact that it's hard for me to let go of stuff. I have gotten better with my husband's help. We know we made the right decision by not moving out yet. We had actually told the people at the leasing office that we planned to move out September 14th, but it wouldn't have been worth the stress and the other costs, since we would likely move again less than a year later. It's good to be able to still serve in this ward, where my husband has only taught Gospel Doctrine class a few times so far. I also have a fairly new calling.

September {2012}

Like the posts I created about June/July and August, this shows only some, not all, of our photos and activities for the month.

For us the most significant event in September was the beginning of our first child's public education. Kindergarten! She enjoyed the testing they did with her in August, and the kindergarten open house, and she was so excited to start. She had to wait longer than a lot of kids, since her birthday is November. Except for falling down and hurting her forehead on the first day of gym, she loves school. She loves to tell me about what they do and which girls are her favorite. We have this conversation while we walk home after her three-hour school day (it's two hours on short day). I've noticed -- maybe it changed as the newness of school wore off -- that she only tells me a few of the things they did. I often have to ask if I want to know. It's been good to make sure I read with her and her sisters for twenty minutes each day. Sadly, we hadn't been spending that much time on books. But I'm impressed by the words she knew how to read even before school began, and I'm impressed by her speed when she does it. My husband had the idea recently to have her read the first verse of our nightly Book of Mormon reading, after she watches one of us read it.

watching the other students

one of her fancy hairstyles for school

I participated in birth junkie stuff two days in a row. First, an Improving Birth National Rally for Change, with took place on Labor Day (get it?). One of my friends who was there was born on Labor Day, too.

 

The purpose of this annual event is to encourage all maternal health care providers to practice evidence-based care. You can click on Improving Birth's web site for more information, and also watch this 3-minute video I got from there. Did you know that in the United States the maternal mortality rate (number of women per 1000 who die of causes related to childbirth) has increased in the last twenty years or so?


Second was an ICAN meeting (two of my ICAN friends had also been at the rally). We decided to include our families this time, not just the ladies. We ended up not talking much about what we usually talk about, but it was fun being at the park and meeting the husbands and kids.

 

my birthday. My sister and I and our kids played in the water at a park. I had invited a few friends but they weren't able to make it. Then my husband and I had a date (no photos): window shopping at a mall and laughing at silly gifts for sale, then eating dinner at Zupa's. He, my little sister, my visiting teacher and another friend in our ward gave me presents, and my parents gave me money.

 

 

 

 

fall leaves. We don't hike often enough, I decided. (I did narrow down the number of photos . . . lots of good ones!)

 

 

 

 

 

 
other September stuff:

 

 

 

 

Our new friend Lisa E. gave us this double stroller. Our kids are in the same school class, but the first words we spoke were when we passed at the entrance to our apartments. She said, "I have a double stroller we're not using. Do you want it?" It's great to have one again because baby C was sometimes sweaty in the carrier during our walk to/from the school. I like this seating better than the side-by-side double stroller we got rid of.

 

It was Family Day at my husband's unit. Since we weren't at a park this time, he actually got to teach the girls about what he does :) He showed us the equipment and trucks, and let the the kids take turns sitting in the driver's seat.