a little mover and a little artist

This morning Shboogoo and her aunt E wanted to exercise to my DVD instead of watching Enchanted. Meanwhile, I put L on this pink blanket, near the middle of it. If I had a "before" picture, you would see her head on the right side. Within minutes, the sight of her like this made me smile:





One thing Shboogoo did during L's nap was draw. She loves to draw, and still pronounces the word as "baw." This video says it all. The photo shows the finished product.

four months

L's fourth monthday:

at her checkup:

:: growth ::

	Weight	Length	Head
2 weeks	7.28 lbs (16%)	20.47 in (51%)	14.2 in (45%)
2 months	10.45 lbs (39%)	22.48 in (54%)	15.4 in (56%)
4 months	12.21 lbs (19%)	24.45 in (58%)	16.1 in (51%)

She is a really easy and content baby most of the time. She sleeps about 11 hours at night and takes naps. It seems that she cries only when she wants her diaper changed or is very tired . . . or if she's awake and it's been a while since somebody paid attention to her.

Darn, I guess I didn't write down the date, but probably three or four Thursdays ago she rolled over for the first time. (It was after the "three months" post.) She rolls from tummy to back, usually to her left. She has not rolled completely from back to tummy, but when lying on her back she does manage to turn onto her side. When she is lying down she also rotates herself 180 degrees.

She has started to laugh a little -- so adorable! She does it when I tickle her neck with my kisses or occasionally when I play peek-a-boo with her. I need to make a video of this.

She likes to: swing; sit on my lap or stand up on my lap; touch her hands; take a bath; suck on her thumb, fingers, or fist; watch and smile at her big sister.

pretty in pink

the red bell pepper

Based on my photos alone, there are countless moments that I could blog about (if I wanted to . . . and if I had time). Here is one moment. It was last Thursday as Shboogoo and I were eating lunch. I'm happy that she likes some raw vegetables. She uses raw carrots like a spoon for the ranch dressing. But she will eat bell peppers without any dressing.







After those photos her tummy was full and she said, "Mommy, I don't want this pepper any more. Can you eat it?"

Scripture Sunday: life eternal

I absolutely love John 17:3.

And this is life eternal, that they might know thee the only true God, and Jesus Christ, whom thou hast sent.

I was recalling that verse recently, and last night I started this blog post. Then in the car today I listened to an old BYU devotional on the radio, and the speaker quoted John 17:3. (J. Reuben Clark Jr. gave this devotional address during the same decade that our house* was built!)

The whole seventeenth chapter of John is a beautiful prayer -- Jesus communicating with His Father. Latter-day Saint scripture (the book of Moses) tells us that God's "work . . . [is] to bring to pass the immortality and eternal life of man." Therefore, God's work is to help us know Him and our savior Jesus Christ. I know that as we do our best to follow Christ's example of service and obedience to the commandments, we do know better what He and Heavenly Father are like. I know that God wants to give us eternal life, which is not just living forever; it's the kind of life He lives. I know we cannot fully comprehend it right now. I feel His love for me, and I hope I will live with Him again.


_____________________________________

*Yes, we're buying our first house, and if everything works out we will close this Friday! We're only doing this with D gone because he's seen it several times before, and I am his power of attorney. This was a good opportunity and a good time for us. We had planned on house-hunting less than a year from now anyway. Through the Internet, I showed him lots of pictures of this five-bedroom home. It currently belongs to one of our best friends (and his wife and kids). They may rent it back from us for a few weeks. We love D's parents but are also excited to be in our own place.

an anniversary, a half-iversary, and other thoughts

{I have a talent for remembering dates and numbers related to my life, even the birthdays of people I am not very close to . . .}

Twenty years ago today, my dad baptized me.

Exactly five and a half years ago, I received another ordinance: I became my best friend's wife.

It was also the beginning of October, a year and a half before the wedding, when D came home from his mission. I went to his house with some other friends (I think it was Matt, Josh, Kim, and Bryan) that night. But he did not hug me until the fifth day. (That's okay. Within a month or so we were saying I love yous, and in December people started asking us when we were going to get married.) We still use the car he bought that month.

I watched at least one session of that general conference with him. Listening to general conference this past weekend gave me peace and zeal. We are so blessed to have the holy priesthood and true prophets and apostles.

Now I just remembered that next week it will have been a year since we found out that D was going to be deployed and, the very next day, that I was pregnant. Life is so interesting.

fun at the library {9/25}

We hadn't hung out at the library in quite a while. For the hour or so that we were there, Shboogoo had a blast. In the kids' bathroom there are tiles painted by children. We saw one with a hand about Shboogoo's size, and that 3-year-old has the same name as her, too! L liked looking at the model aircrafts that hang from the ceiling in the children's area. Two 7-year-old girls befriended us and were very interested in the baby.

This is a little blurry, but only because she was putting the blanket on her sister, which was the reason I wanted to take the picture.

She (Shboogoo) makes this face a lot, and I love it.

L looked so small sitting here (she isn't able to sit yet without leaning against something).

Getting ready to check out; she needed all of these and wanted to carry them. Right after this we saw Melanie, my last visiting teacher partner, with her 11-year-old and her 3-year-old. She helped me get my kids in the car. She is such a sweetheart.

three months

First, some photos of L at age two months and 3-4 weeks:

(I keep uploading this one, but Blogger will not recognize that I rotated it.)

These are from the exact Monthday (the day L turned 3 months old -- that sounds so much older to me than 2 months!) She's getting chubbier and has more of a personality. We're so glad she is in our family! Her dad's dad's mom, who lives a few hours away, finally got to meet her.

The four generations, minus D (and this is his dad, not mine).

voice mail

I tend to forget about my saved voice mail messages. Later I listen again and re-save the especially nice ones. I still have some from a couple of months ago. (How long I can keep them there? Do you do this, too?)

Well, last weekend I was feeling like I didn't have any really close friends. But as I listened to the old messages I cried happy tears because of all the people who, after L was born, wanted to let me know they cared about me:

• Hi, it's me [my mom]. Just wonderin' how things are goin'. I'm in church but I'm gonna leave at 12. I was gonna come over there if that's okay. But I wanted [D] to know he can eat with us today. I don't know what you guys have got planned. I hope you're feelin' okay and had a good rest. I love you sooo much and I'll see you in a little while. Okay, bye.
• Hi, Amanda. This is Dad ****. How are ya? We're just getting home from church. Just want to know how you're feeling and how your day's gone. Several members of the ward were just curious about ya and asked about ya. Anyways, give us a call when you get a chance. Just wanna know how you kids are doin'. Love you guys. Buh-bye.
• Hi, Amanda, it's Sarah [my doula]. Just calling to see how you're doing and how your night went. I hope you've been able to, you know, be up and walking around and feelin' a little more like yourself. I got a chance to visit with your mom just briefly after sacrament meeting today, and she was real happy for ya. And, yeah, I look forward to talking to ya. Once again, I think you did an amazing job yesterday [L's birth day] and I'm excited for ya. I love the name [L], and she couldn't be more cute. I'll talk to you later. Okay, buh-bye.
• Hi, it's me, Ursula, giving you a call. . . . I didn't hear that phone number I could call you at . . . but call me back. I'm excited to hear from you and everything that's going on. I hope all is going well!
• Hey, Amanda, it's Michelle ****. I'm calling to check in on you and see how things are going. I don't even know if you've had your baby yet! I'm assuming you have, but I don't know. But I was wondering if you wanted me to take [S], uh, so that you could get some rest. Or, even if you haven't had the baby, maybe you want some rest! So, anyway, I'd love to come take her some time and have her come play with Siena. . . . Hope you're doing well! Talk to you later.
  
• Hey, Amanda, it's Katie. I am returning your call. . . . We should have talked before now; it's been a while since we've talked to each other. . . . We're looking forward to seeing [L] and seeing how big she's getting, and Robbie wants to play with [S] and stuff . . . and I hope you're feeling good. You should be getting up and about post-surgery . . .
  

I realize I have "collected" tons of cool individuals (if you actually know me, this means you!) throughout my life. I have learned from them. Being with them makes me happy. Also, just this morning, the best husband in the world left me a message:

Hey, Manda, it's your husband. Hey, uh, it's 9:30 at night and I'm getting up in like 7 hours. I'm conducting our company PT. But, uh, so I gotta go to sleep. But I wanted to call you and tell you I love you and tell you what's going on. Sorry I haven't called sooner; I didn't know where my phone was. But I promise you I will call you in the morning -- which will be later tonight for you -- and, uh, we'll talk then. I love you, sweetheart. I miss you. And talk to you soon. Bye.

pioneer trek

"Whenever I think about pioneers,
I think of brave women and men . . ."

A few weeks ago, close to Pioneer Day, someone in church said that although going on a pioneer trek was not easy for her, she would do it again in a heartbeat. She said it was one of the greatest experiences of her entire life. I definitely agree.

I went on a trek as a 14-year-old, and then two years ago; I learned a lot both times. I cannot deny that the Holy Ghost was with us. I was humbled. I served and others served me. Both times, my love increased: for people (the pioneers of the 1800s as well as those I was with), for God's creations, for the hymns, and for the scriptures. I did not miss technology while we were there. Sometimes it was silent, but even when it wasn't there were plenty of moments to think and to feel. The trail the early Saints traveled on is holy ground, and I can't fully express what I gained spiritually from the physical work of pushing a handcart along that path for up to 13 miles a day.

When I went as a Ma it was hard to be away from 8-month-old Shboogoo and to have to keep finding a private place to pump and dump my milk. But when it was over, D and I returned to her. How could women quickly bury their babies or other loved ones, and then move on? I guess they did it because the gospel of Jesus Christ is true and is worth dying for.

~~~~~~~

I have only one photo from my first pioneer trek. I don't have it scanned in, but I like it so I'll go ahead and describe it. It's of me bearing my testimony in front of everyone. One of the leaders told the whole group that four people had been chosen to share their testimonies before we would split up for family testimony meetings. I knew, before they said my name, that I would be one of the four. That was just one of several aspects of the trek which helped me become less shy. Oh, yeah, and D -- who was also 14 at the time -- was assigned to the same family as me. I actually remember feeling back then that I was supposed to get to know him better and that that was why he was my trek brother.

These are my personal favorite photos (we have over a thousand!) from the trek in 2007. (I still look 14, don't I.) We had a photographer and a videographer who came with us, so each participant received CDs of photos and a DVD.

Here we are on the first day:

The next four were taken at Independence Rock:

Women's Pull:

Our family:

I didn't have any of these problems:

The appropriately-named Rocky Ridge:

two years and nine months

Here is an update on First Girl. She is getting more and more fun (when she's not throwing a fit about something, like wanting to take her ponytails out, or not wanting to sleep in her own bed). And I'm thrilled that her hair is getting longer!



She likes to pose. Here she is at exactly 2 years and 9 months old.



I get various smiles from her that are not her "natural" smile.



She likes pretty things. Apparently with the headbands around her legs she looks like Cinderella.



She likes her baby sister. Often she says, in a high voice, "Lil [L], are you otay?"




Some of her fun pronunciations:

sandwich is "HAM-a-wit"
beautiful is "beau-di-dull"
fabulous is "hab-ee-lit"
Afghanistan is "a-DAN-i-dan"
face is "hate" (she can't made the f or s sounds)
her friend Siena is "beehenna"
Cinderella is "hee-a-WELL-a"
phone is "hone"
take a shower is "tate a how"

today

This was just a really good day, with all the little things combined.

• I got up early (7:30) and went to the temple while my in-laws watched the kids. It was nice to serve in the temple; I hadn't been since May. As I walked toward the temple I said "good morning" to an older woman and we walked together. She kept the conversation going until we were inside, which was enough time to say that the parking lot was pretty full, that we both had our toenails painted, and that she plays the organ in the chapel.
  
• I bought fresh fudge on the way home.
• I finished and mailed a letter to a relative.
• At a yard sale I got nine books for two bucks.
  
• I picked up my camera; I had left it at my neighbor's yesterday.
• Shboogoo finally fell asleep. While she napped I nursed the baby for a few minutes, then changed my clothes to go out for a run. My step-mother-in-law held L for me while I went. It's not hard to put one of the kids in a stroller (I don't have a double stroller yet), but it is easier by myself. I love the things I get to see on the neighborhood trail. I captured some of them with my camera. There was even a real goat today by the creek.
  
• Soon after I got out of the shower Shboogoo woke up and came to me. She had slept for an hour and a half, her underwear was still dry, and she used the toilet. Usually her pull-up is wet in the morning, but she's great at using the bathroom during the day. Sometimes she even tells me she needs to go to the bathroom.
  
• While we waited for dinner, Shboogoo and her young aunt E played well in the backyard and I did a little bit of reading.
  
• My step-mother-in-law and E talked about words that rhyme, which made me remember a certain song in my Sesame Street Songbook. I got it out and played 5 or 10 of the songs, which was fun. A lot of them I don't know from when I watched the show as a kid; I learned them from the book when I was a teenager. A few, like What Do I Do When I'm Alone?, are really really beautiful.

I love the freedom and flexibility I have as a grownup. My little ones need a lot of my time, but that time with them is enjoyable and fulfilling for me. (They are so darn cute.) I like who I am right now.

two months

I took these the day L turned 2 months old:

She was in a good mood; notice the milky bubbles.

And then she tipped to the side.

Looks as though she's flexing her bicep!
I'd forgotten all about this darling bonnet that our first girl didn't get to wear much.
(Yep, this is the same day, after L required a change of clothes.)

*******

Now, compare those to her at about a day old:




and one month old:




and her sister at about the same age (2 months):

my second birth story, day two

Still awake at midnight (Saturday morning), I sat on the birth ball and then was lying on my side while D got some sleep on the couch. Surges came every 6 minutes. For the next few hours I was able to rest between surges. The baby's heart rate looked great.

3:40 a.m. The midwife came in to check my cervix. The dilation was the same as the last time I was checked (4 cm) and the baby had descended to a +1 station. The midwife talked about my options; one was to go home to get some sleep. I chose to stay at the hospital and sleep with the help of medication. Until then I had done it drug-free. They gave me a combination of Morphine and Fentanyl, Sarah went home for a while, and I slept for about 3 and a half hours. During that time my contractions were 6 to 13 minutes apart (which we know because of the fetal monitor).

At 8:00 the midwife asked if I would like her to break my bag of waters to see if that would help get the baby out soon. "No artificial rupture of membranes" was in my birth plan, but I said yes, hoping it would be a good thing. Feeling the hook breaking the bag was strange. So was the continuing hot gush of clear fluid.

Sarah returned at 10:45 after about six hours spent at her home sleeping, showering, etc. My surges were now 6 to 8 minutes apart, and I was still feeling them in my back. The pain usually started there and moved around to the front. I was very tired.

When midwife #3 arrived and checked me at 11:15 a.m., there had been no change. (Yeah, in seven and a half hours.) A little bit later we started a low dose of pitocin; we wanted to get the surges closer together. D left for about an hour, for some fresh air and a drive by himself. Sarah had me do more exercises to encourage the baby to rotate.

At 12:35 p.m. the nurse increased the pitocin to 4 ml. The surges came anywhere from 3-5 minutes apart, sometimes with spacing of up to 7 minutes. D and Sarah were wonderful. When they knew another one was starting, they rushed to do hip squeeze or other counter pressure to help me. I really benefitted from Sarah's words: "Let the pressure be there," and "You can do anything for one minute." At some point, as the peaks of the surges were more intense and I made louder sounds, I understood why women ask for drugs. I'm very glad I was able to experience it.

When I got down on my hands and knees at about 1:20 p.m., the baby's heart rate decelerated dramatically. With assistance, I moved onto my left side and the heart rate went back to normal. During the next surge the baby's heart rate again dropped a lot lower than it should. The nurse turned off the pitocin and the midwife had a discussion with D and me. She did not know why, with the baby being low, my cervix had not changed (in almost sixteen hours), or why the baby still preferred a posterior position. The midwife said if I wanted to I could keep going for a while, but because my contractions weren't effective, she was unsure of what would happen. The other option was to have a cesarean section.

She and Sarah left the room so D and I could talk about it. I don't remember him saying much besides asking me what I thought. I said that if my body would dilate more, we had no idea how many more hours it might take to get to 10 cm. I cried. It was hard, but we knew what we wanted to do. The ladies came back in about fifteen minutes later. Starting to cry again, I told them, "We think that it's not working, so we want to go ahead with the section." They thought this was a wise decision and I had done the best I could. Here I am with the midwife before she went to call the anesthesiologist.

Sarah reminded us what to expect in the operating room. We borrowed her CD of relaxing music to listen to in there, since we hadn't remembered to bring the music Shboogoo was born to (piano solos played by Wayne Egan). The anesthesiologist (Dr. H) and then the resident (Dr. Z) explained to us the risks and benefits of the surgery. We both loved Dr. Z's personality. She and Dr. D performed the surgery; he is in this picture with the nurse and me.


I used the bathroom one more time, D put this oh-so-cute outfit on over his regular clothes, and we were ready to go get our baby out!


As D, the midwife, and I walked into the operating room, I thought, "This is the worst I have felt in my entire life." It was hard emotionally -- I wanted a VBAC so badly and did not know why I was unable to dilate -- and physically. Dr. H was impatient. And he was a man. So he couldn't know what it was like for me to get onto the table, form a C shape, and hold still while my uterus was still contracting. During the surgery he wanted me to keep my arms up in precisely the right place, which I simply could not do. I couldn't keep my arms from shaking (a common problem during c-sections; I also had pain in my shoulders due to trapped gas). My sweet D never let go of my hand. He told me later that it was really hard for him to watch me. I would not want to have to go through it without him.

Finally, the baby was born at 3:51 p.m. One of the doctors told D to announce it, so he said, "It's a girl!" I was a little surprised and disappointed that it wasn't a boy, but I got over that. I saw her briefly above the drape, and she looked healthy and beautiful. D cried. I couldn't see much of what was going on. I don't know exactly what happened when. He said that when she was lying on the table she got to hold his finger. He got to hold her very soon after she was born, and when he brought her to see me I liked that she still had vernix on her. I felt so much love for this child whom I had already done so much for over the last nine months. D told me (I must not have heard) that he was pretty sure they said she was 5 pounds 14 ounces and 20 inches long, and her Apgar scores were 8 and 9.


We went back to our room with L in my arms. D called our families and by 4:40 our baby girl was breastfeeding perfectly! All but three of our many immediate family members visited us that evening. They probably wanted to hurry because we made them wait to find out the baby's name in person. A bunch of them, plus our good friends Katie and Sam, arrived at almost the same time. I made this video while sitting on the hospital bed, happy with my baby and my loved ones.

I agree with my husband's words, written in an email to me a few weeks later:

I remembered how impossibly happy I was to see L for the first time. I thought that the experience couldn't be as powerful as [Shboogoo's] birth . . . but I think it was *exactly* the same: celestial.

my second birth story, day one

From 6 a.m. on, contractions woke me up about every 12 to 20 minutes. I had been writing down the times for days, but this was different -- not Braxton Hicks. Somehow I could tell labor was beginning. I had told D the night before that I thought "this could happen soon." We were on a date at a luxury hotel; it was his idea and he made the arrangements. I didn't sleep as much as I wish I could have, waking up throughout the night to use the bathroom and when I had contractions. (I did have some before 6:00.) I don't think I told him that I was in labor until we got up a little before 8. We had to check out of the hotel and go pick up Shboogoo in time for Nana (my mom) to get to work.

With Shboogoo, we drove straight home to labor, even though home is forty-five minutes north of Nana's and the hospital is south of Nana's. At 11:30 I called Sarah, my doula, to let her know my labor had begun. Based on my first experience -- 29 hours of labor -- I guess we knew we wouldn't need her very soon. She was happy, like we were, that we no longer had to consider inducing me. I didn't want my husband to miss the birth, but I also wanted my body to help the baby come when he or she was ready to be born, so we felt very blessed. We planned to leave for the hospital when the contractions were consistently three to five minutes apart.

I relaxed as much as I could, and I also finished packing our suitcase. I walked around in the house. We had had a delicious breakfast at the hotel, and we ate lunch at home. Fortunately I did not throw up after eating like I did during my first labor. I had my husband take a few pictures, including this one. If I could go back in time I would get one of him behind me with his hands on my belly.

Whenever a contraction came I wrote down the time with pen and paper -- low-tech compared to the spreadsheet D created in 2006, which I didn't open. (If I'd known about contractionmaster.com, I definitely would have used it.)

For a lot of my contractions I knelt with my arms on our bed. Kneeling felt the best. Sometimes I sat on the birth ball or leaned against the wall, and I often swayed my hips. I was by myself for many of the surges, which was fine. D was with Shboogoo and was using the laptop and watching a news channel on TV. Of course he did whatever I asked him to, such as rubbing my back. He also began tweeting. With those updates showing up on his facebook profile as well, hundreds ("literally hundreds") of people -- both friends and strangers -- could have been following what was happening. It was fun to have a "twitter birth." Come to think of it, I have only read a few of those tweets.

From 10:00 to 11:00 the surges were 7 minutes apart, and after 11:00 they were as close as 3 minutes apart. It varied: 3 minutes apart, then 5, 3, 4, 5, 7, 7, 3, 6, 5, 7, 5, 3, 4 . . . A little before 2 p.m. I called the midwife for the second time. I told her that since 1:00 my contractions had been 2 to 4 minutes apart and we were ready to drive down to the hospital. We took Shboogoo with us. D didn't drive any faster than usual. The contractions were not too intense and I was excited.

In triage, within the labor and delivery area, we had a wonderful nurse. First we made sure that the baby was still head-down. (On Monday, my 39-week check up, the midwife had checked me and she felt toes. Tuesday we returned to have an external cephalic version. That day when the nurse used an ultrasound she saw that the baby was no longer breech! I was happy we did not need the version because I knew that versions can be uncomfortable for the woman and are not always successful anyway.)

I had D read me a nice one-page birth affirmation from my childbirth class. The author talks about strength, joy, and love for the child who would soon be born. "I accept all that comes to pass with the birth of my child. . . . My body knows what to do, I must let it be. . . . As the waves come, I will triumph with them, one by one, all the while surrendering to them . . ."

My mom and Sarah joined us there, too. At 3:20 they stepped out of the room and the nurse checked my cervix. I was 2 cm dilated and 85% effaced. I had hoped I would be further along than that. The baby was low, though. Through the whole labor I felt a lot of pressure. Because I was only 2 cm, the midwife didn't officially admit me. I stayed active in the triage room with the external fetal monitor on. By 4:30 I had progressed to 90% effaced.

Then D and I walked the halls for about half an hour and saw parts of the hospital we had not seen before. I loved it. It was so nice to have him with me, holding my hand as I walked, letting me hang onto him for contractions. Some strangers asked him, "Is she okay?" and we just smiled and said yes. As we had discussed, once it had been more than a full hour (5:50 p.m.) the nurse checked me again and I was 3 cm. They admitted me and by 6:35 I was on a different floor of the hospital in a labor and delivery room.

Because I was trying for a VBAC I needed a heploc in my hand in case we would later need to quickly start an IV. But that was fine. I'm very glad that the nurses and midwives did read and respect my birth plan. They didn't use internal fetal monitoring, which I had with my first labor.

We used iTunes to play music until our laptop battery died (we had forgotten to pack the cord). I didn't like the genre D chose first. I needed something calmer, so he changed it to our piano genre. The only song I definitely remember hearing was A Small Miracle. I said to Sarah, "I wrote this." As I listened to it my eyes moistened; emotions came, and so did strength to keep working for this particular desired miracle.

Around 8:00 Sarah helped me use a variety of positions, changing every 15 minutes, to encourage the baby to descend and to rotate from being posterior. The photo below shows me in the knee-chest position, with Sarah applying counter pressure. (The other positions were the all-fours tuck-in, passive pelvic rock, and lying on my left side with my left leg straight and my right leg bent up close to my chest.)

Then D and I walked some more, but we couldn't go very far from our room or the telemetry would not function. We were both starting to get tired and also missed Shboogoo a little.

My cervix was 100% effaced but still 3 cm when midwife #1 left. She suggested a few different options, and I chose the tub; I got in at 9:45. I became totally relaxed in there as Sarah read relaxation scripts. I had a thin blanket draped around my neck to keep my upper body warm and Sarah continually poured water onto my belly. I fell asleep for a bit. The water felt good but also helped things along. At 10:50 pm midwife #2 checked me and I was 4 cm dilated with the baby down at zero station. My contractions, however, spaced out anywhere from two or three minutes apart up to ten minutes apart.