a little on faith, dreams, lists, and being musical

This is what I posted in a facebook group and it's how I have been feeling the last few days.

This is an exciting time to be on the earth. I definitely believe that "the future is as bright as [my] faith."

I believe we are in the last days, with both righteousness and wickedness increasing. There are things that frustrate me, and my husband and I each have our own ups and downs, but I have a lot of hope ("hope through the atonement of Christ"), and know that "if ye are prepared ye shall not fear." I want to help people, most of all my husband who is going through hard stuff, and our children, whom I love so much. I have big dreams for us. I want to do a lot and learn a lot. I want to be who my patriarchal blessing says I can be. I want to shine!

I was glad that my husband was with us for this April General Conference, not working that Saturday or Sunday. Another way I have been blessed with more closeness to the Spirit is through my #‎360byudevotionalsin2015‬ project I began on January 5th. It's really easy to find BYU devotionals from BYUSpeeches on YouTube. I listen to about one per day and I'm keeping a list of them.

Another list I updated today was my list of books I have read this year. I'm re-reading the manual from my CAPPA postpartum doula training, but since I didn't read every word when I got it, it's not on my list yet. I have about three other nonfiction books I am working on also, but mostly one called Fasting -- and Eating -- for Health.

Just yesterday I finished A Natural Woman: A Memoir, which singer-songwriter Carole King wrote. I didn't know much about Carole King before this, and now I want to become familiar with more of her music. It was an impulse library check-out as I walked past books on CD -- and it turned out that I was checking it out two days before her birthday! I listened as I cleaned the kitchen, and I think it took a few weeks, but I went through the last few discs, of twelve, pretty quickly. I'm impressed by a lot of the things she has done, including homeschooling, "encourag[ing] the best in people," caring about the Earth, and writing music while she had kids. I composed three piano solos, but all between the ages of 14 and 18, and none since then except for little songs with my kids, and I have not written those down. I thought about doing so the other day, but then forgot, so it's gone from my mind.

Here's a little of what I wrote down from Carole's memoir. In probably the first chapter she said, "the first piece of furniture in my parents' home was a piano." I really liked the last part of the final chapter. She was talking about her mind jumping from one thought to the next as she was performing for an audience. She realized that she had thought music was keeping her from having a normal life, but then while performing understood that "for me, music is normal life."

I'm very confident with music, sightreading, and performing. I was able to be in our ward's talent show last month, and today I will play piano for a few ladies who will sing in sacrament meeting. The song is Oh, How Lovely Was The morning -- a new (2005) tune to the LDS hymn Joseph Smith's First Prayer. Some of those big dreams I have for my life are related to music. It's part of normal life for me as well.

how I started 2015

It's past my bedtime, on the first day of the year. I am frustrated that I was trying to cut or undo something and the whole draft I'd written a few hours ago disappeared! Well, I'll start over. :0)

My friend Shelly, whose kids I babysit twice a week, had a fun New Year's Eve party with healthy food. The five of us went, so my husband was able to meet the others that I had met at a potluck back in August (he worked that Saturday). I didn't already know Amy and Nate, though. All five families including us brought our kids, who played on scooters and decorated hats while most of the adults played Five Crowns.

What I really want to write about was the great things about this January 1st. Right at midnight we were home in bed and had a quick kiss, then for fifteen minutes we continued what we were each doing. He watched videos on the iPad, and I finished reading my book: Christmas Jars by Jason F. Wright.

Soon after I woke up I was kind of depressed for a minute about the way I feel in the morning and all the time. Chronic pain. I didn't cry and snowball it like I did yesterday, though. It's so good that D and I have each other. We've talked about what we want to do this year and it will be good. For example, we are determined to pay off our debt. Anyway, knowing it's now 2015, I remembered that I had thought that in 2014 I would get rid of my constant headache. I did try more than a few different tests and treatments and stuff throughout the year but I need to be patient with what I'm currently doing (my doctor prescribed myofasical release, the medication gabapentin, and flonase (I don't think the last two are doing anything for me, at least not yet)). And I am going to keep searching, too. Neil Nathan, M.D.'s book Healing Is Possible: New Hope for Chronic Fatigue, Fibromyalgia, Persistent Pain, and Other Chronic Illnesses is giving me some things to think about.

A little bit after that, I played my piano for the first time this year. I chose Worthy Is The Lamb That Was Slain / Amen from Handel's Messiah. I bought my copy of the book while in college, for a performance with hundreds of other people; I will never forget that experience!

A few days ago was also really nice, when I played the piano to wake up our kids. That day it was the suite from Forrest Gump. Many years ago I had to tape the spine of this sheet music to hold it together. I played it in a talent show when I was in junior high.

Let's see . . . also, I let the girls watch Netflix a lot today while D was working. I watched some of my own as I cleaned the kitchen and stuff (using the iPad while they had the TV on). The show I'm binge watching is Gilmore Girls. I never saw any of it until the middle of December. 

In the morning I pondered and wrote down some things I need to do (some of them are resolutions) and had some good gospel study time. I worked out, took a long shower, and eventually we accomplished our chore checklist.

Oh! Third Girl made me laugh harder than I had in a long time. She can be pretty funny, but doesn't do this kind of thing as much when she's away from home. You won't fully appreciate it because you can't hear her tone, and I don't remember it all, but that's okay. I was with her as she sat on the potty. It was bedtime, when we always make her go, and I said that I wanted to hear her pee. Then we talked about something else, or I kissed her knees. Then suddenly she said in her voice that's higher than her normal voice, "You hear someping?" And I thought she meant her peeing, but she quickly says, "Butterflies?" As if they even make a sound! Oh, man, it was hilarious.

a Throwback Thursday collage

I have been doing some pondering today, and I have felt joy. I have been thinking about new friendships, friendship in general, and ways to serve. Those thoughts and those things make me happy. I overheard two smiling mothers as they passed each other outside of First Girl's school: "How are you?" "I don't even know." "Yeah, seriously." For some reason hearing that made me happy, too. I ate garlicky brussels sprouts before eating the rest of my breakfast. I did some laundry (the kitchen still needs some work). I ran two miles in twenty one minutes while our younger daughters played near me in the fitness center. I've been praying more lately and feeling more hope. And the book I'm reading, The Gift of Giving Life, has given me a better "big picture" perspective about life. When I was looking at twitter, where I don't have a photo across the top (I dislike their new look), I thought maybe I would make a collage for that. I love how it turned out but actually decided on something simpler for my twitter page. It was really fun to look at some of our older photos and to be grateful for those memories. So this is a #tbt -- Throwback Thursday. The sheet music in the background is for the song we danced to at our wedding reception in 2004, but I started to learn how to play the piano when I was seven. (I love Jerome Kern and the sweet lyrics, and loved having Roger play the piano!) I still treasure the feeling of being in the Los Angeles temple with my husband in 2006 when I was pregnant; that was a wonderful night. The top middle photo of the collage is from 2008 when I ran a 10k. The bottom left was taken in 2011, and the others are a little more recent. C is here twice simply because the newborn picture reminds me of when each of our children were newborns, and the beauty of each new life. I always wanted to be a mom. The collage represents some of me, my life, and what is special to me.

grateful thoughts

I knew this day was coming. My husband and I have now lived in this apartment longer than we've lived anywhere else together. (We didn't want to be here this long, but Heavenly Father has helped us change our attitudes.) I like figuring things out with dates. It's interesting how many times the same duration of time has been significant for us. Let me explain. As of yesterday we have lived here for two years and seven months. We had been married for two years and seven months when we became parents. We lived in that condo -- Shboogoo's first home -- for two years and seven months. She was two years and seven months old when Second Girl was born. My husband spent almost that long living on the opposite side of the world during his deployments, and there is almost that much space between Second Girl and Third Girl. They are just over two years and six months apart.

I feel grateful today:

For these memories, my husband, and our children. For the priesthood blessing he gave me last week when I had a very bad headache. For my Savior and His birth, death, and resurrection. For Christmas devotionals and songs that are about Him. That I can sing and play the piano and serve in that way. For ups along with the downs. For the lessons that I hope I have learned (and re-learn) while we've been here, and the qualities I hope I am developing. For friends. For the good that is online, including a blog post called Hope for Dark Times. For my first Time Out For Women, and my sister's friend who told us we could attend it for free because of their scholarship. 

my sister, Hilary Weeks, and me at Time Out For Women

I'm grateful for what I have. I don't have some other woman's nice shoes, ability to decorate her home and do her hair well, or strong flat belly -- but I have First Girl, Second Girl, and Third Girl (I think their real names when I think about this). I was not in a good mood this morning, and I'm still going through a hard time. But I am so glad that Heavenly Father is patient with me. I am grateful that I felt an abundance of the Holy Spirit during church, that I remembered personal spiritual blessings from the past, that I have a ward family, and that all of this strengthened me today. I love this verse from the Book of Mormon:

And I will also ease the burdens which are put upon your shoulders, that even you cannot feel them upon your backs, even while you are in bondage; and this will I do that ye may stand as witnesses for me hereafter, and that ye may know of a surety that I, the Lord God, do visit my people in their afflictions.

First Girl at six and a half

This sweet, affectionate, smart, helpful, creative, good person is close to being seven years old! She has been six and a half since May. A few days later she lost her first tooth, and a few days after that she finished kindergarten. (It's funny how much longer the second loose tooth was loose compared to the first. The new tooth grew in behind it but the baby tooth was also there, until it finally fell out a week or two ago.) The photo below is of her in May. It's the one we have hanging up in our living room, too.

Before that, in April, I started teaching her piano lessons, and she has easily learned a few songs with chords in the left hand and the melody in the right hand. I'm using my old teacher's unique system. She likes the theory we do during lessons. Our only challenges are: 1) that sometimes I kind of get busy with other things and forget, so we have the lesson a day or two late. 2) that sometimes she doesn't want to try to play something that I'm telling her to play. She cries and says it's too hard. But she does it.

She and Second Girl have great imaginations. It seems like mostly the younger one goes along with the older one's ideas. They like to have First Girl pretend be the mom or the teacher. She is a little too bossy sometimes, though. One day in July they built a "road that leads to the man who knows everything" -- it's pictured below but the road was much longer.

They played a lot with Amy this summer, and swam with her once. They also started playing more with another neighbor, Nate. Sometimes both Amy and Nate were over at our place at the same time. Some of the things they liked to do together were to ride the bike, scooter, and trike on the sidewalk, or use the Marble Works or musical instrument toys or the iPad.

First Girl enjoyed helping me come up with things for our summer fun to-do list. I'm glad we made the list. We took the kids to see the outside of the house my family lived in from about age five to seven and a half, and we walked on that street a little. I showed them where Mommy and Daddy met, to see where my dad works, and to special libraries (in addition to some story times at another library -- not on the list). We watched Enchanted together, which they hadn't seen. Those are just a few examples. . . . Some of the things on the list we didn't do yet because they cost money and/or because I want him to be with us when we do them.

She started first grade a month ago. She likes eating lunch at school, and she loves the Spanish dual immersion program. She sings some of the cute Spanish songs to me. I love her voice (both speaking and singing). I'm looking forward to my meeting with both of the teachers, because she's such a good reader and the assignments and other papers I see she gets from the English teacher are easy. I don't know if she is considered gifted or just reads at a higher level. She is also good at writing, drawing, and explaining things. 

Yes, she wanted to wear the same shirt again. :)

I love that she likes to tell me things, and go on dates with me, and will still hold my hand. She hugs me when I pick her up from school. She likes to be near me and is interested in what I do on the computer, but she doesn't mind me going places without her. She is great at helping her younger sisters; often what they need is a comforting hug but in this picture she simply wanted to hug and kiss C.

December {2012}

Sisters wearing new princess tiaras and shoes in Grandma's living room on Christmas Day. (It looks like I can upload more pictures right on my blog without paying each month for more data.  {This link} helped me figure out how much of my storage I'm using. I'm still a little confused, though.)

2012 was a hard year for us, but Christmastime was great. I want to remember:

• Our children's joy: When they saw our Christmas nativity scenes and cups and other things that they'd forgotten about. When they looked at any Christmas tree. When they said "Christmas lights!" as we were driving and they saw some. When we talked about how many days it was until Christmas.
• Book club on December 5th -- really just my friend (and visiting teaching partner) Erica and me chatting. I'm glad I re-read The Mansion anyway. Erica started the club not very long ago, and a lot of people said they were interested, but only one other person besides us has actually shown up.
• Watching the 3-year-old play at playgrounds while her big sister was at school. 

• The Saturday (December 8th) when the five of us went to Daddy's work. It's a fun place. The kids liked the big wreaths, and they were totally happy with eating the lunch we had brought from home.
• How excited our girls were about the gingerbread house kits my mother-in-law bought. She, the kids and I went over to my mom's house so we could all assemble and decorate the big gingerbread house. My MIL had to leave at a certain time so with small houses we could only assemble them. Later my big girls and I finished the small ones.

 

• Simple times hanging out by the Christmas tree (which my husband found at DI for $10!). 

I was so happy the night that we girls watched The Christmas Bunny and I didn't try to do anything else at the same time. The movie was better than I had expected, and C nursed to sleep. Now I remember that we were able to watch maybe half before bedtime, and then we had a breakfast picnic to watch the rest. Another decent movie we discovered thanks to Netflix was Mr. Magoo's Christmas Carol. You can totally tell it's from the 1960s, which is great.

• Singing in our stake choir fireside on December 9th, and my parents coming to see and hear me perform. The music was wonderful. We also had a Seventy and his wife speak. It's a good thing Sister B. asked me to play the piano for the vocal solo, because I hadn't thought of participating until then.
• Shboogoo's notes about the season -- some to Santa, some not.

(Dear Santa, please bring me a puppy in a box. And a bird. Thank you.)

Not a note, but a drawing of where we live. She colored it all in later.

• C meeting Santa for the first time, at our apartment clubhouse. She cried when I started to put her on his lap.

• The kindness of my mother-in-law's friends. Julee and her mom, Eleanor, both gave my family gifts. Eleanor had sewed two aprons for our daughters, plus a bag to hold a cookie sheet, spatula, pretend cookies and felt doughnuts with felt frosting to put on top. They gave us the gifts at their family Christmas party on December 15th. I was really sad to miss the parties due to being sick. The other one was a surprise birthday party for mother-in-law's aunt. The night before I had a fever and couldn't sleep well because I felt so cold. In the middle of the night I used the bathroom and must have fainted. I know I fell. My neck hurt for a week after that.

• Shboogoo's first school holiday sing-along. My husband said it well . . . something about how parents love their kids enough to be there for two hours so they can hear their kids sing for a few minutes. Shboogoo moved from her original spot, so we could hardly even see her (which reminded me of her first Primary program, when we couldn't see her from where we were sitting). In this photo she's the red glasses above the black hair, on the right side. I still plan on making a video of her singing "the peace song." The principal cancelled it so the last group could do their performance and finish on time.

• Watching Mr. Krueger's Christmas (my #1 favorite Christmas movie) at my mother-in-law's on Christmas Day. Most hadn't seen it in years, and my brother-in-law's girlfriend never had.
• My date with my husband the Saturday after Christmas to use the gift I gave him: a gift certificate to Chinese restaurant (because he had been saying for a while that he wanted Chinese food). The food was all so good. Especially the spring roll.

Now the best photos of our December 24th and 25th. :)

Christmas Eve: My husband worked until 4, and then we went over to my Mom's for dinner. 

  

I took some photos outside when we were back home.

 

 

This girl got to stay up as Mom and Dad finished wrapping.

Christmas Day the kids woke up around 8:00. Opening gifts was so lovely. Our kids gave Daddy a pair of jeans and a belt, because he's lost weight so most of his pants are too big. He thought it was cool that we found great ones at Savers. I already mentioned the Chinese restaurant gift certificate. He gave me a new makeup bag and new makeup and brushes. I really needed it all. :) The only thing he didn't know I was completely out of was blush. Shboogoo had asked for real binoculars, and was thrilled when she opened them. The one thing L had wanted when I asked was "a new favorite bear," so that's what she got. For some reason she named it Chunky. They also got a couple of Usborne books, and crayons to share. The big sisters gave C a teething ring, and we gave her two Usborne board books. Stocking stuffers included dried apples, teddy grahams, and cups of chocolate pudding.

You like my thumb in the bottom right corner? I think I did that twice.

We left home by about 9:15 to open gifts and have breakfast (a late one) at D's dad and step-mom's house. Uncle Jack couldn't make it but had a generous gift for me: a $50 grocery store gift card. Everyone we spent Christmas Eve and Christmas with gave us plenty of gifts. We really appreciate the people and the fun and useful things!

The second place we visited was D's mom's house; we were there for 2 or 3 hours.

Last stop was my dad and step-mom's house at 4:00. The pot luck dinner (but most of it the work of my step-mom) was delicious. They invited my mom this year (she was giving my brother Mark a ride over there anyway) so we got to be with her two days in a row. Mom and Mark had already left by the time my husband took this picture, though.

Scripture Sunday: pure love, come fill my soul

Christ healing at the Pool of Bethesda -- I found the image {here} 

Currently one of my favorite hymns is O Love That Glorifies the Son (number 295 in the LDS Hymns). I sang and played it on the piano at home this morning. These are the gorgeous words.

1. O love that glorifies the Son,

O love that says, "Thy will be done!"

Pure love whose spirit makes us one—

Come, fill my soul today;
Come, fill my soul today.

2. O love that binds our family,
O love that brings my heart to thee,
Pure love that lasts eternally—

Come, fill my soul today;
Come, fill my soul today.

3. O love that overcomes defeat,
O love that turns the bitter sweet,
Pure love that makes our lives complete—

Come, fill my soul today;
Come, fill my soul today.

4. O Lord, give me the will to mend;
O Lord, change me from foe to friend;
Dear Lord, sustain me to the end—

Come, fill my soul today;
Come, fill my soul today.

Text and music: Lorin F. Wheelwright, 1909–1987

A scripture reference that talks about Christlike love comes from the admirable Moroni in The Book of Mormon {click that link for an excellent general conference talk by Elder Henry B. Eyring}. When Moroni speaks of brethren he means all people.

Moroni 7:46-48

Wherefore, my beloved brethren, if ye have not charity, ye are nothing, for charity never faileth. Wherefore, cleave unto charity, which is the greatest of all, for all things must fail--

But charity is the pure love of Christ, and it endureth forever, and whoso is found possessed of it at the last day, it shall be well with him. 

Wherefore, my beloved brethren, pray unto the Father with all the energy of heart, that ye may be filled with this love, which he hath bestowed upon all who are true followers of his Son, Jesus Christ; that ye may become the sons of God; that when he shall appear we shall be like him, for we shall see him as he is; that we may have this hope; that we may be purified even as he is pure. Amen.

I am thankful that God has helped me to increase in charity. I am thankful for each calling that I have had in the Church and for those who have served me. I know that "pure love . . . makes our lives complete" and that the Lord wants to "sustain [us] to the end." May you feel loved today and may the rest of your Sunday be good!

2011 Christmas season, part 1

My family didn't do a whole lot of Christmas activities this year (because of preparing for baby #3, I suppose). For example, we never went downtown to see the lights, we didn't watch some of our favorite Christmas movies, and we didn't go to any concerts. We didn't do much to serve others besides giving a few non-perishables to the food bank. It's been a while since I participated in a Messiah sing-in, which I would love to do again. However, I want to document the things that we did do.


(I was finally able to get this photo off of my phone a few weeks after originally publishing this blog post.) On November 29th the girls and I went to daddy's institute building for lunch after one of my midwife appointments, as we had enjoyed doing a couple of times already. They loved all of the Christmas trees throughout the building; this was the best, with the nativity statue and the "snow."

The girls and I went to with my mom to her ward Christmas party. It was a dinner, the high school Madrigals sang, and in another room children could do a couple of different crafts. I must not have brought a camera with me, but later I got a picture of the Christmas tree (sugar cone covered with cake frosting and candy) that one of our girls made.

 

On December 3rd my husband was at drill, but the kids and I went to my father-in-law's family party. I enjoyed the drive and talking with my husband's aunt and uncle. The kids were way excited that there was a piñata.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

December 6th was my ward Relief Society dinner. I met some sisters that I didn't know before, and I was touched by the program and music about the Savior.

 

 

After being frustrated with our pre-lit artificial Christmas tree which we set up soon after Thanksgiving, we got rid of it. On December 8th we finally went out and bought a real tree, using our military discount at Lowe's. We tried and failed at making strings of popcorn and cranberries, but then I made some gingerbread ornaments from an image I found online.

The morning of December 10th was our ward Christmas party. They provided breakfast, entertainment from a funny magician, and sugar cookies.

Sunday, December 11th my husband and I both spoke in sacrament meeting. It's not exactly related to Jesus' birth -- the bishopric asked us to speak about the Sabbath day -- but we like having this opportunity.

I have no idea where my Christmas piano books went! I think I own at least four, and I hope they will show up somewhere. But throughout the season I mostly played/sang the Christmas songs that are in the LDS Children's Songbook. I think the Christmas music the radio stations play is annoying, with the exception of the classical music station. My husband had the great idea to play Christmas songs using the Pandora app on our TV. The girls and I also enjoyed reading the Christmas children's books that we own, plus a few that their daddy checked out at the library.