my friend Andrea

Last week I found something in my old Bible -- the one I got when I was ten and that I want to get the inserts from to transfer to my new one. What I found was the program for my friend Andrea's funeral. I saw that she passed away July 22nd, three years ago. Her husband had checked on her when she was asleep, but her spirit was gone. . . . I have memories of her in Young Women with me on Sundays and on Tuesday nights -- a rock climbing activity stands out to me -- and at camps. I think "service" when I think of her; we served each other. She needed a lot of service from her family because she was born with spina bifida and had to use a wheelchair. One way she served was with her great smile.

See? Great smile.

I love the way she kept in touch with everybody after high school. I mean everybody, because it seems that she was friends with all types of people. She called me regularly to chat from about 2004 on. I learned at her funeral that she had about 200 friends that she called probably at least once a month, but I felt special to her. I didn't always know what to talk about when she called, and she sometimes asked me questions that were hard to answer and explain, like about what it was like being pregnant and being a mom (I don't remember specifics). She said that she wanted to know because she wouldn't be able to be a mom. I remember telling her one evening that I was making bean burgers, and she had never heard of bean burgers but didn't say anything negative. She wanted to understand people, I think, and she is an example of how to listen and "love thy neighbor as thyself." She was a sweetheart and so is the man she married.

I also think about the fact that three years before Andrea passed away, her brother did. I attended his funeral to show support to her. I felt the Spirit and love very strongly at both funerals. Her parents are sure going to have a wonderful reunion after many years apart from their kids. (They lost another son, too, and I actually don't know that story but I think he might have been stillborn.)

It was neat that on July 22nd a familiar song came and played in my mind -- a song that Kenneth Cope wrote about a different girl named Andrea. I think my friend Andrea saw beyond the stars, too. I'm looking forward to seeing her run or do cartwheels or whatever she wants when she is resurrected, with a laugh and a smile on her face!

You can hear part of the song here: http://kennethcope.com/albums/stories-from-edens-garden/

ANDREA

(written by Kenneth Cope)

—for Andrea Goodman and family—

Andrea—you wear the smile of paradise

Andrea—you see beyond the stars

Ever reminding me that angels aren’t that far

My Andrea

Andrea—you wear the wings of innocence

It’s like you don’t belong here on the ground

But then there might be some of us who’d never reach the clouds

Without Andrea

And if day turns into gray

If hope hides far away

I know an angel I can go to for a smile

And that haze that has me blind

Will fade from my mind

Just from the thought of you

My Andrea

Andrea—you’re hoping for a better world

You long to be with Jesus in the sky

And I believe you’re going to see what you desire

My Andrea

Andrea—we feared that we had lost you

Gone without a chance to say “Good-bye”

But thanks to God you’ve come back to stay a while

My Andrea

And if day turns into gray

If hope hides far away

I know an angel I can go to for a smile

And that haze that has me blind

Will fade from my mind

Just from the thought of you

My Andrea

When day turns into gray

When hope hides far away

Then I remember how I feel when you are near

And my heart starts to rise

And light fills these eyes

All from the thought of you

From the love of you

My Andrea

Andrea—teach me the smile of paradise

© 1998 Mohrgüd Music (BMI)

queen of randomness

Maybe I have mentioned before that my roommate Emily (my first-year-of-college-Emily, not my second-year-of-college-Emily) accurately referred to me as the queen of randomness.

I have had so much on my mind lately. I know that doesn't make me unique, but it's just so much: 

• decision-making and depression in my family
• running my first half-marathon soon, and considering a full marathon
• friendships
• my annoying phone that I'm using because my pink one is missing
• birth politics and other topics I like to learn about (I am not pregnant)
• my girls fighting over things and screaming
• how I might use my degree someday
• my unfinished craft projects
• taxes
• pride
• homelessness
• obesity and disease
• our bathrooms that I need to clean
• the fact that I never feel like putting away the laundry
• the news
• the difficulties of relationships
• the decorating we haven't done
• my relative who recently finished his prison time
• radio stations and home-based businesses I would support if we had more income
• my grandpa's funeral at the end of January
• how nice it is to simplify our food by focusing on vegetables and fruits and using only a few coupons
• beauty and blessings
• whether or not I care about changing my blog template . . .

I figured I may as well share more randomness, shown in some of my January photos.

I used the JoAnn gift card from my sister, plus there was a sale, so this is about $84 worth of stuff and I only had to pay $27.

We visited a friend who lives about 2 hours away; her husband blessed their youngest and baptized their oldest.

Our big girl loves to make "computers" out of books.

I let her finish the oatmeal.

Saw this adorable dog while leaving the post office. My husband wants a pug.

Our church building.

Shboogoo had so much fun pushing her own cart.

I bought Shboogoo some new boots.

Snow on stone.

our Memorial Day weekend and reintegration

The Friday before Memorial Day, my friend Katie drove up with our other friend Melodie to hang out for a few hours. 

I hadn't seen Melodie very many times since high school; the last time was possibly in early 2006. It was so good to chat and have her meet my kids! We picked up some Cafe Rio for lunch and ate it at my house. As we talked I also realized that Melodie now lives in the same neighborhood that my grandma lives in.




That Saturday was a big day with extended family. First it was my step-sister 
Angie's Bridal Tea. She and Todd (the only male you see in the collage below) will be married in July. 

Then we drove straight to visit graves of some ancestors on my mom's side of the family. Before leaving the first cemetery, where my mom's parents are buried, we were pleasantly surprised to see my mom's step-dad arriving.

On Memorial Day we relaxed at home and then went to my father-in-law's house in the afternoon. My husband had corrected me when, as he was preparing a blog post, I said I thought the purpose of Memorial Day is to remember anyone who has died. We do have Veteran's Day, after all. Actually, Memorial Day "commemorates U.S. soldiers who died while in the military service." My husband gathered all of us in the living room and told us about two men -- one a Captain in the Army and the other a Specialist -- who were killed in Afghanistan during the time that he was there. At 3:00, as soon as he'd talked about those soldiers and passed around photos of them, we had a minute of silence to think about them. It was so neat. As you can imagine, we are all extremely grateful that the Lord protected him and he returned to me . . . twice.


We've been able to have a lot of time together as my husband "reintegrates" into our little family.  

(That rectangle is where we had our 2-man tent for a few days.)

For me, it's been a little harder readjusting to living together than I had thought it would be. This deployment was different in many ways from his first one (2005-2006). Also, we have children now, I'm not employed besides being their mom, and we ourselves have changed. Most of the changes are good, and we love each other so much, but it is still an adjustment. Sometimes we have different expectations. His description is accurate: it's perfect when he first returns, the honeymoon lasts a few weeks, and then real life begins. I don't completely understand what it's like for him. We have hard days, and plenty of fun times and ordinary things going on, too.

clapping

It helped to attend classes at a Yellow Ribbon Reintegration event with other veterans and their family members Father's Day weekend. The Army required him to attend one of these events soon after returning home, but they paid for our family to fly there (to Anaheim), plus the hotel and some meals and even child care during the classes! They split everyone into about 11 smaller groups and we moved to a new room each hour. Some classes were about the military insurance or other services that are available. Some of the information we'd heard before, but some was new or a helpful reminder. My favorite was the class called Keeping It Together. We discussed good and bad experiences the 20 or 30 of us have had related to the soldier leaving, being gone, and returning. I wish we had thought to get contact information from a Chicago couple we enjoyed talking with. 


Besides no longer having the mind of a warrior all the time, my husband is dealing with his depression that began in 2007, his new church calling (in the Elder's Quorum presidency), and the normal uncertainties related to his future career. He returned to work delivering pizzas on June 11th. Right now, at a new location because of our move, it's only part time. Hopefully he will get a lot more hours while it's still summer. It's so nice that the active duty pay continues for a while after he actually comes home. He will get back into his exercise science classes at the university this fall (only four semesters left!).

Teaching his 3-year-old about human anatomy. She loves it.

Being first-time homeowners, we are inexperienced with things like gardening. I love our different colors of roses in the front yard. I really love all the trees we have in the back; it's like a small forest. D is enjoying taking care of the grass and driveway. He has almost finished the frustrating work of fixing our swamp cooler. Thank goodness for ceiling fans and cool nights. We decided that we love the area and the house so much that we want to live here forever. 

the circle of life

Our baby was born on a Saturday (birth story coming soon) and her adoring daddy flew back to join his unit that Wednesday. We were happy he had been able to get paternity leave, which made his 6-day leave a 10-day leave. Within a week of him leaving again, my 90-year-old grandma died, D actually left the U.S., and I learned six or seven songs and played them on the piano at grandma's funeral. Meanwhile my body was healing from major surgery and I was sharing a room (at my mom's) with a toddler and a newborn. Needless to say it was a difficult week! It was good that my mom had us around when she wanted to talk and that I had her and my brother helping to take care of Shboogoo.

I wanted to call this post "the circle of life" and now it's kind of hard to turn my thoughts into sentences. (I did find this blog post about birth and death that is worth reading.) It was interesting that one person in my family began life on earth so soon before another's mortal life ended. One came and one left. We had planned to take L to meet her great-grandmother the day after she ended up passing away. It was sad that they just missed each other, with L being only five days old. But after the hospital told us about Grandma's death, at 10:30 pm, we (my mom, two of my siblings, my aunt, my cousin, my girls and I) went to see my grandma's body, talk and pray together. I believe my grandma's spirit has been able to see L.

After Grandma's funeral and the family lunch, my aunt talked to her daughter, my sister, and me. My grandma has only six grandchildren (not counting "steps"), and she had chosen a specific ring to give to each of us three granddaughters. She gave me her wedding ring from Grandpa Boyd. He's been my grandpa for 23 years (my biological grandfather died before I was born). I was so honored to receive this beautiful sentimental gift. I keep it in the ring box, but I have worn it a couple of times for a short while.

I love my Grandma and I will miss her. I already do. Certain streets and holidays will never be the same again. Shboogoo will miss the assisted living place with its fish and birds. I'm grateful for the atonement of Jesus Christ. I know Grandma's spirit is alive and will reunite with her body someday, to never be separated again. She had a testimony of the gospel, too. She and Grandpa were temple workers for ten years. Here are some pictures of her. (I absolutely love the one of her when she was my age; I think she sort of looked like me. But I don't have it here to scan it.)

2005, I think

December 2006, with her daughter, granddaughter, and great-granddaughter

At my cousin's wedding reception in 2007

Christmas Eve 2008